Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

The Poppy Chain Boutique

Academia: I could yammer on about students, the end of the semester, how the writers of my favorite TV shows seem to be conspiring to get every single character on every show pregnant (on behalf of infertile couples who turn to TV for an escape across America, you all suck), but none of that is as interesting as the fact that I'm wearing a necklace that I WON today!

Sartorial: I have been reading fashion blogs forever, and I finally won a giveaway! I'm so excited - I never win stuff! This one was hosted by Whitney and Monica of Ask the Duplex (a truly fabulous blog you should all check out), and the prize was $25 to the Poppy Chain Boutique. I love long pendant necklaces and I never have enough, so I chose this one and Ashley of the Poppy Chain sent it to me right away.

I adore this necklace and wanted to wear something that would show it off, so I went with my blank canvas black dress, added a blouse in the same color as the chrysanthemum on the necklace, and finished it off with my new favorite shoes. I felt so pretty and whimsical in this outfit that you could have cast me in New Girl with Zooey Deschanel, the queen of pretty and whimsical. And hey, no one is pregnant on New Girl yet either, which makes it the perfect TV escape; no pregnancies and pretty clothes are my top two requirements for TV viewing right now. Which is why I love you, Modern Family, and not you, The Office.

Waiting for Sweatpants

Bracelet, Brian's Etsy Shop 

Academia: Fall B check-in week started yesterday, so I haven't really recovered from being completely zapped on Sunday. Everything went smoothly, but between registration, special program arrivals, housing help sessions, and the absolutely-must-happen-now doctor's appointments that go with infertility treatments, it was a bit of a long day. I was very happy to have sweatpants, leftovers, and TiVo waiting for me when I got home. And, obviously, my husband. Probably should have put him before sweatpants.

Sartorial: As I've written before, check-in week always requires professional attire, or at least more professional than my department's normal dress code of not naked. I've worn a couple of different variations on this outfit (here and here), but this one was my most career day-ish. I liked the menswear vibe with the girly accessories (hello, red shoes and faux pearls), and I was comfortable enough to last until the sweatpants part of my day. And on long days, getting me to sweatpants is all I want my clothes to do.

Anti-Funk

Academia: I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Being sick, stress at work, and the toll that infertility takes on a heart have all been wearing me down over the past few weeks. Every life has times like this, but being the middle of one is definitely funk-conducive.

Luckily, I'm married to an excellent destroyer of funk. Sidebar: wouldn't "Destroyers of Funk" be a great rock band name? When I got home from work on Friday, Cary told me to pack an overnight bag and hop in the car, and he drove me to a tiny seaside town not far from here, where we checked into a Victorian bed and breakfast for the night.

It was really just what I needed. We walked down to a seafood restaurant on the water for dinner and ate out on the deck and watched it get dark. We fell asleep early and slept hard all night, and had a delicious breakfast in the morning. We sat out on the upstairs porch and read until checkout, and then we walked downtown and visited the tiny town's tiny museum. Then we drove home and read and napped all afternoon. It was a perfectly refreshing 24 hours, and while it didn't erase the difficult things happening in my life right now, it did make me feel better. Sometimes, just feeling better for a little while is the best and only thing you can do about a funk.

Sartorial: This skirt is pretty much the cheeriest article of clothing I own, so it was just right for a funk-busting night away. I didn't know what the evening would hold when I got dressed Friday morning, but apparently I'm a bit sartorially prescient. Or at least I was on Friday.

Mini-Break

Skirt, Earrings

Academia: Hi everyone. Thanks for your support yesterday. It means a lot. I'm still feeling pretty crappy, though, so I don't really have much to say. I think I'm going to give myself a mini-vacation from blogging this week. I'll still post my outfits tomorrow and Friday, but I won't write too much. Hopefully, I'll be feeling better on Monday and can come up with some thoughts that are more interesting to read about. Thanks for your patience.

Sartorial: I wore this to new faculty orientation today, plus a blazer that was too hot to wear outside for pictures. I felt professional but still fashionable, and got to check out our university's provost wearing a seersucker blazer, which was just fabulous. And he's a middle-aged math professor - not a traditionally stylish demographic. Well done, provost.

No Outfit Today

Sorry, guys. Cary and I had a bad appointment with our reproductive endocrinologist this morning, and I just don't feel like talking about my clothes today. We were supposed to undergo intrauterine insemination this month, and when we went in to get checked out to make sure we're in good shape for that, the doctor found that I reacted too well to the medicine they've been giving me, and would be at risk for high order multiples (like quadruplets or more) if we tried to get pregnant this month. So now we have to wait another month, possibly longer, when waiting even another day feels too long. We're really disappointed, and my clothes just did not make me feel better today. I'll be back with a regular outfit post tomorrow, but tonight I need to eat ice cream and watch TV.

Thrift and Thanks

Brian's Etsy Shop

This is my "I have an awesome skirt" dance.

Academia: Today I just want to say how grateful I am for the supportive comments y'all left in response to my post about infertility yesterday. I was nervous about putting all of that out there in Internetland, but I feel so great now after reading y'all's encouragement. Thank you so much. You were all so sensitive and compassionate. Surviving infertility so often feels like navigating a minefield of judgment - on why we don't have kids yet, on what we should do to have kids, on the completeness of our lives without kids - that unequivocal support from people I've never met other than online was both surprising and wonderful. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Sartorial: Today is Thrift Day on Everybody, Everywear. I'm not a champion thrifter like some of my fellow fashion bloggers (Meredith of Yours, Mine & Ours comes to mind - she's such a champion that she actually gets most of her clothes for free), but I do have one jewel in my thrifted crown: this skirt. This skirt is not only both vintage, a trendy midi-length, polka dotted, and bright red, but it also cost $5. I feel happy every time I wear it. I even dance a little, as you can see in the pictures. Any clothing that induces dancing is okay by me, especially when it costs $5.

A Moment of Real

Guys, I want to step away from the usual description of my job and clothes, and take a minute to talk about something going on in my "real" life, the life I normally avoid sharing on the internet. I want to do this for two reasons: first, that this is something I'm thinking about a lot, and that affects many of my decisions, including what I feel like wearing, and second, that this is something many people deal with but few ever talk about. I want to break the silence, in the hopes that others might feel free to do so as well, and less isolated.

Cary and I have been trying to have a baby for nearly three years, obviously with no success. We've seen several doctors and it's far from a hopeless case; in fact, we have a plan and a lot of reasons to be hopeful. I don't want to get into tons of clinical detail, but I do want to say this: you probably know someone who's going through what we're going through, even if you don't know you do, so you need to know what to say to be helpful (or avoid being hurtful).

Infertility is heartbreaking, and infertile couples need sensitivity and compassion from their family and friends more than anything else. Cary and I are blessed with great family and friends who have been supportive every step of the way, but not everyone is. Based on three years of experience, here are my five worst and five best things to say to someone who is struggling with infertility. If you know us in real life and are worried that you might have said some of the five worst things, trust me: you haven't.

Five Worst
1. When are you guys going to have kids? You're not getting any younger.
2. I know this couple who adopted, and then got pregnant right after. Everyone seems to know this couple. I know two of this couple. But adoption is a big deal, and not a way to get pregnant.
3. Just relax and it will happen. This is a medical condition. Relaxing is not going to help.
4. X and Y have ___ kids already. Better catch up!
5. This is all part of God's plan. I'm a Christian, and I believe God has a plan. But hearing this at this point in our journey makes me feel like the person saying it thinks God's plan is for Cary and me to suffer. Just like you wouldn't say this to someone who just lost a loved one, please don't say it to infertile couples.

Five Best

1. I'm so sorry.

2. No, you don't have to come to this baby shower. I understand.

3. I believe you will be parents, one way or another.

4. You're in my prayers.

5. I want to listen, if you need to talk.

Thanks for listening, y'all. The more I talk to other women, the more I find that sooooo many people deal with infertility in one way or another, but so few feel like they can be open about it. I think that's silly. If we all talk about it, maybe we can all feel a little better. If you're going through this and want to talk, please feel free to leave a comment or email me directly at academiasartorial@gmail.com. I'd love to listen if you need to talk.