Virtual Empty Canyon

Hello! (Hello! Hello!) I realize that being gone for almost a year means I'm probably shouting into a virtual empty canyon, but if anyone is out there, I think I'm going to give blogging another try. Hopefully. We'll see how it goes.

Where have I been for a year? Mainly, I've been trying to keep up with this young lady:

This is my daughter C, who just turned a year old on Saturday. She is a delight in every way, but being her mother, being Cary's wife, and working full-time has meant that what I'm wearing has moved to the back burner. And what I have to say about what I'm wearing has been removed from the stove altogether. Add that to the fact that most of my pre-pregnancy clothes haven't fit until recently, and you have an explanation for where I've been for a year.

But. BUT. I like writing, and I like clothes. I feel good about my forever-different body, and now that I have a toddler instead of an infant, I feel like I have my feet back under me enough to spend time on a little more than baby, marriage, and work. I definitely don't think this blog will look like it did before; in fact, I have no idea what it will look like. But it's a good creative outlet. When C grows up, I want her to know that I did creative things. And I'm pretty sure collapsing in front of The West Wing on Netflix doesn't count as creative.

Also, I just noticed that I have eleventy jillion pictures of C, and very few of me in the last year. I read Allison Tate's wonderful essay, "The Mom Stays in the Picture," last year, and I want to stay in the picture too. To that end, here's a picture of C and me at the Jacksonville Zoo in June:

This is her "put me down" face.

So off I go into the virtual empty canyon. Feel free to jump on a burro and follow along. Am I really talking about burros? This metaphor is falling apart. Until next time, reader(s).

Back, Maybe?

Hey everyone. Sorry I fell off the face of the internet for four months. To quote Inigo Montoya, let me splain. No, there is no time. Let me sum up.

I have a two-month-old baby, so my wardrobe, time, and energy are a bit limited. That's the quick summary.

The longer version: as my pregnancy progressed, I started to hate my wardrobe. You would too, if you'd been wearing the same 10 pieces for nine months. So getting dressed in the morning wasn't very inspiring. Then at the beginning of July, I started having contractions and had to spend a week on bed rest to keep from going into labor, so I wore pajamas a lot. I got to go back to work, but only half days until my maternity leave started. Not very encouraging in terms of creative dressing.

And then my daughter was born on August 3! She is practically perfect in every way, and such a petite little peanut - 6 lbs 6 oz and 20 inches at birth, and about 10 lbs now, at 10 weeks old. Her birth was pretty easy for me - I had a scheduled c-section because she was breech, so I got a full night's sleep the night before and never had to be in labor. My recovery was quick, and I am enjoying my time at home with her so much. I'm on maternity leave until January, so I have lots of time to spend with her (although it still doesn't feel like enough!).

Here we are on her birthday.

About eight weeks old, showing off our love for shoes.

Unfortunately, a lot of my prepregnancy clothes still don't fit right. I'm only about 10 lbs away from my prepregnancy weight, but my shape is different now, so I wear the same clothes a lot. I want to try to keep up with at least some outfit posts, but I'll probably be pretty infrequent until the Peanut is a little bigger and I'm a little smaller! But in the meantime, I wanted to let whoever's still out there know that we're happy and well. And show off pictures of the Peanut. I mean, look at her. Who wouldn't?

Baby Shower Convert

My sister-in-law Beth, my awesome nephew F, and me

F and me, chillin' with a giant pile of presents

My in-laws: Cary's aunts, sister-in-law, and mom (to the right of me). Love these people!

Academia: I have long been uncomfortable at baby showers. For a long time, that was because I was trying to get pregnant and baby showers were sad for me, but even before that, I had a hard time finding things to talk about at showers. I was always the only childless person at them, and what did I know about bottles, diapers, and nursing covers? I went to a shower once when people oohed and aahed over what I swear was a disembodied arm designed to simulate the weight of a mom's arm to comfort the baby in mom's absence, while I sat there with my mouth hanging open. I am so not making this up, but the internet has completely failed me and I can't find a picture. What should I search for - "disembodied arm for baby?" It was the weirdest moment in a long history of weird baby shower moments.

But. BUT. I have discovered that when you are the mom-to-be, baby showers are wonderful. There's yummy food, you finally have something to contribute to conversations about swaddling blankets (aside: my fabulous sister Suzanne got me these and they are so soft, I might steal them for myself and let Baby C deal with it. I have actually had dreams about the softness of these blankets), and you get so. many. presents. Plus, you're surrounded by people who love you and your baby. What could be better?

I've had two showers now: one at Cary's work, and one on Saturday, hosted by my priest's wife and attended by lots of church ladies, plus several of my in-laws (Cary's mom, sister-in-law, and two of his aunts), my sister, and the most fascinating baby on the planet, my nephew F. Both were great, but the presence of family at Saturday's shower made it extra special. It was such a lovely afternoon, and I left feeling so grateful that my baby has so many people supporting her and praying for her before she's even born. The baby shower lovers have won me over - I can't wait for the next one (even the next one that's not mine)!

Sartorial: You can't see my whole outfit in these pictures (many thanks to my mother-in-law for taking and sharing them), but this is what I wore to the shower. This dress was cool and comfy in the June heat, and I think the flower in my hair added just the right amount of whimsy. I felt pretty and maternal all afternoon.

Bonus Sartorial: My nephew F is wearing a tiny polo onesie and tiny khaki pants. Isn't he the preppiest little thing you've ever seen? I could just eat him up.

Parenting Practice

Academia: I'm still off conferencing in Houston, and hopefully will be able to report to you next week that it went well (I'm writing this on Sunday night before leaving). In the meantime, I give you another outfit I wore last week, on a day when the students were really wearing me down. It wasn't a bad day at all, but just a day in which everyone had a question, or a weird problem, or a complaint.

It was exhausting, but in a way, probably good practice for parenthood. After all, Baby C will be here soon and she will need me way more than any student I've ever had. I'm sure it will feel different - I'll love my daughter more and differently than my students, which will make meeting her needs easier in some ways. But there will probably also be days when I feel run down by how dependent she will be on her dad and me. For those days, my job can be an excellent warm-up.

Sartorial: Wearing fun clothes can make tiring days a little better. Bright purple and red, comfortable jeans, and a big flower in my hair all make me smile. That's something to keep in mind for those inevitably tiring days with Baby C: putting on happy clothes might help ease that worn-out new mommy feeling.

To any moms reading this, how did you make yourself feel a bit more human on long days with your baby?

Conferencing in the Lone Star State

Academia: Happy Memorial Day, y'all! I hope anyone reading this in the US is enjoying the holiday (and if you're not in the US, I hope you're just having a nice Monday at work). I am spending my Memorial Day flying to Houston for the annual NAFSA conference. NAFSA is an organization for international educators and administrators, and a colleague and I have a poster presentation on Wednesday. I'm really excited; this is my first national conference and I'm looking forward to see what this type of conference is like. I can't wait to report back to y'all next week about my first foray into academic networking!

Sartorial: I wore this outfit last week, but I'm wearing something very similar for the flight today - just swapping out the shirt and adding a blazer (so I don't have to pack it). These pants are sooooo comfy, so they're great for the plane, but can also go straight from the airport to conference registration and still be appropriately professional. And I think the animal print shoes make the whole outfit a little more fun - yes, I'm going to a conference, but my shoes don't have to be stuffy, right?

Hispanohablante (Sort Of)

Academia: Check-in week for the summer term is over, and my free time and energy have returned, huzzah! Y'all have heard me talk about how crazy the first week of the semester is approximately eight billion times, so I won't go into much detail. I drove students around, I gave seminars, I answered what are now extremely familiar questions about housing, immunizations, insurance, and life in the US. Blah blah blah.

The only thing that really stood out as different was how much Spanish I got to practice during the week. We have a strict English-only policy at work; not because we hate our students' native languages, but because the best way to learn English is to use English as much as possible. So usually, I try to encourage my students to speak English with me, even though I minored in Spanish and am passingly fluent. But last week, we had several new Spanish-speaking students who really didn't speak English at all, and it was more important that they understand how signing a lease, opening a bank account, and buying health insurance works than that they get a few more hours of English practice.

It took a bit for my Spanish to un-rustify, but once I got going, I felt like I got by reasonably well. Everyone seemed to understand what I was saying at least. Plus, it's good for me to put myself in my students' shoes linguistically from time to time. Spending two whole afternoons speaking only Spanish reminded me how hard all my students are working every day to live life in English. It gave me a renewed admiration for them. At the beginning of the semester, when students are beating down my office door, remembering just how brave and determined they are helps me stay flexible and patient.

Sartorial: I wore this outfit last week on one of my Spanish-speaking days. I spent the afternoon driving students to see apartment complexes in the rain. Rainy days always make me want to wear jeans, and these pants are the closest maternity alternative I have. Actually, on a hot, humid day, they were better than jeans - the chambray fabric is lighter and looser than denim, making them the perfect summer pants. The loose top was cool and comfy in the humidity as well. All in all, not a bad outfit to spend a day in.

Paris Pics

I fully intended to take outfit photos yesterday, y'all. But I got home from work later than I thought I would and had to rush out to babysit my adorable nephew, Baby F, and when I got home, I had milk drool on my shirt and my hair was doing some interesting things. Not very fashionable. So instead, I give you pictures of Paris!

I went into this trip intending to be extremely stylish - it was Paris, after all. But then I realized I left my trench coat at home and also that Paris involves a lot of walking and stair climbing. After that, my main plan was to stay warm and not have tired feet. I never put on sneakers or a sweatshirt (except for one very chilly evening at the Eiffel Tower when I was so cold and tired I cried and Cary gave me his fleece), so I avoided looking like a completely tacky American tourist. But next time, I'm going back not pregnant so I can sartorially represent the US a little better.

Notre Dame, which was a gorgeous 10-minute walk from our hotel in the Latin Quarter.

Defeated by the Louvre. Seriously, this museum was hot, crowded, and badly signposted. By the time I got to the Mona Lisa, I was just cranky and ready to sit down. 

Baby C goes to Versailles!

Boundaries

I tried to look at my feet like normal when I took this picture, and then realized that I have to lean waaaaay over to see them. Better get a pedicure while I can still appreciate it! 

Looking at the camera instead of pretending to look at my feet seemed like a better idea. 

Academia: I love my job. I love helping students. They bring me so much joy. But I've found over the past two years that one of the most important things I can do to stay good at my job is to set boundaries with the students; that is, not being 100% available 100% of the time. Little things like locking my office door while I eat lunch have a huge impact on how I'm feeling about the students, my job, and myself at the end of each day.

I mention this because today was one of those days when I was very glad to have boundaries. I had offered to meet a new student this morning to help him find housing, imagining it would take a couple of hours at most, but he and his family ended up needing so much more of my time. At 1:00, I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since breakfast, and didn't see any signs of my charges slowing down, so I fibbed. I told them I had an appointment at 2:00, wrapped things up, dropped them off, and got myself some lunch. Which I ate with my feet up.

I used to have a hard time making myself follow through on these kinds of boundaries. After all, if I didn't have anything else on my calendar, shouldn't I help students who needed me? So I helped, but I often ended up feeling resentful and overextended. Ironically, pregnancy, a time in my life when another person is drawing from my own resources 24/7, has helped me stick to the limits I set with everyone else and not feel guilty for doing so. My baby needs me to eat lunch at a reasonable hour, so I do. I only have three months of "just us" time left with my husband, so I leave work on time and don't answer after-hours emails until the next day. Unless it's an emergency (which obviously I don't ignore), the students will live, and I stay physically and mentally healthy.

Sartorial: During this pregnancy, I've come to set some style boundaries too; mainly, I don't put anything on my body that is even remotely hot or constricting. For example, I haven't worn a pair of heels in six months. I'm not really afraid of falling over in them and have no issues with other pregnant ladies wearing them; they just sound so massively uncomfortable to me that I can't bring myself to stick one toe in. My wardrobe right now is pretty much exclusively loose dresses, cotton tops, and sandals, and I feel great. This is one boundary that may not be permanent, but is making me very happy for the time being!

Back on the Grid

Hey everyone. I'm back.

I totally didn't intend to drop off the face of the earth for six weeks. Everything is going great here, which is exactly why I did drop off the face of the earth - everything going great means everything is also really busy. Here's a rundown of what I've been up to in the past six weeks:

1. Went to Paris with Cary. Tres magnifique!
2. Spent two weeks trying to mentally and physically recover from trip to Paris.
3. Had a nephew, who is honestly the cutest baby ever born. Three weeks old last Saturday, and the apple of his aunt Emily's eye.
4. Finished the semester.
5. Recovered from the end of the semester.

Plus, got increasingly more pregnant, as you can see. I'm 26 weeks right now and feeling wonderful, albeit a little awkwardly sized. Seriously, who would have thought that putting on a pair of pants would be such an act of balance? My daughter is strong and healthy, and quite the active kid. I couldn't have asked for a better pregnancy so far, and all I can ask for now is that it keep going the way it's been going.

So what are my plans for the blog going forward? Obviously, step one is not to drop off the face of the earth for six weeks again. Beyond that, I'd like to keep posting twice a week. I'd love to do more, but it's hard to come up with five non-repetitive outfits every week for months when my wardrobe is so limited. After Baby C is born in August, we'll take things one day at a time, but hopefully will be able to keep up the twice-a-week plan once we've got our feet under us.

Thanks for sticking around, and I'm glad to be back! Until Wednesday or Thursday, enjoy this adorable picture of me and my nephew:

See what I mean? Couldn't you just eat him up?

A Bit Off the Grid...

So I'm sure (or at least I hope) y'all have noticed that I've been absent from bloggerworld for a week or so. Everything is fine; I've just been really, really busy. Work has been nuts; I'm taking a trip to another English language school tomorrow to see how they do things, and my impending absence has made all the students think they need to talk to me RIGHT NOW. Fun stuff.

But the even bigger goings-on are that Cary and I are leaving Friday for a weeklong babymoon in Paris! I am so, so excited. We love traveling together, and wanted to have one last "just us" trip before Baby C arrives. I can't wait to be done packing and preparing to leave work, and just be there, eating a croissant. French food, here my big belly and I come.

So I won't be around next week, but I will have plenty of pictures to post when I get back, including outfit photos. Trying to pack for a completely different climate (highs in the low 60s in Paris, highs in the mid 80s here) while pregnant is tricky; I didn't want to buy any cool-weather maternity clothes because I'll be at my biggest in August in Florida, but I also don't want to freeze to death during our trip. The answer seems to be lots of layers. Tune in in two weeks to see if I was right!

It's a...

Academia: Among all the exciting days in my life, Tuesday was probably in the top five. Cary and I went for an ultrasound and got to find out the sex of our baby. I'm so psyched to tell y'all. Are you ready? It's a...

...girl!

I couldn't be more thrilled. I think I would be equally excited if she had been a boy - I'm really just happy to be having a baby - but I keep thinking about how close I have always been with my mom and imagining all the fun girl stuff my daughter and I can do together. Cary is excited too; he made a t-shirt that says, "It's a girl!" and wore it to school today to announce it to the kids in his fifth grade class. I can't wait to see him in action as a dad.

Plus, all the adorable baby girl clothes! I went in Gymboree after my ultrasound and saw a bib that was in the shape of a giant strawberry, complete with ruffly little green leaves. Who can pass up that kind of stuff? Keep an eye out late this year, y'all; you may see some mother-daughter posts on this blog. Having a girl makes it way too easy to have a super-stylish kid.

Sartorial: I was feeling very girly yesterday (must be all the extra estrogen), so I wore this. I couldn't think of anything better to be wearing when I told my colleagues and students that I was having a girl. Baby C kicked me a lot while I was wearing it, so I think she liked it too!

Kelly Green

What's going on with my face here? Is this "Pregnant Women are Smug" face?

Academia and Sartorial: Happy early St. Patrick's Day, y'all! Today is Green Day on Everybody Everywear, so I'm busting out the luck o' the Irish a few days ahead of schedule. I got this kelly green t-shirt in Target's limited maternity section over the weekend, and I really like it - partly because it actually fits, but mostly because I love love love this shade of green. It's such a happy, bright color, and I feel happy and bright wearing it.

I'm a little disappointed that St. Patrick's Day is on a weekend this year, because part of the fun of working with international students is dressing up for holidays. I normally get to wear lots of green on St. Paddy's Day, lots of pink on Valentine's Day, and costumes on Halloween. Oh well. I am going to a friend's 30th birthday party on the 17th, so I'll wash this and wear it again then.

What about y'all? What are your plans for St. Patrick's Day? Any green outfits set aside already?

To Everything There Is a Season

Academia: This week is spring break for my university, but unfortunately not for me. We have our half-semester check-in this week, so I'm not getting a spring break right now. (I am taking a vacation at the end of the month though... stay tuned for all the exciting details!) So I wore this yesterday to give a seminar, answer student questions about insurance, etc. Not thrilling, but all in all, an okay day.

Sartorial: Yes, these are the same pants I wore on Monday. I also wore this cardigan yesterday, although I didn't manage to snap a picture. I'm finding that wearing maternity clothes is kind of like a 30 for 30 remix, except it's more like 9 or 10 for 150. Here's what I currently have in my pregnancy wardrobe:

5 dresses
2 pairs of work-appropriate pants
1 pair of boyfriend jeans
2 skirts
2 shirts

I plan to add to this list, of course, but for the next five months, I also plan to repeat items of clothing with no "but I have a style blog" guilt. To everything there is a season, and right now is a season of sticking with clothes that I like and are comfortable. And after the baby comes, I plan to have a season of "huzzah for normal clothes again!" shopping and skinny jeans wearing. Because I'm sure that's what the writer of Ecclesiastes 3 meant.

I Can't Believe I Watch...

Academia: Guys, I'm writing this as I watch the "Women Tell All" episode of The Bachelor. Holy crap. I can't believe I care about this show. I started watching this season as part of a discussion group on Christian femininity at church, which seemed like a legit reason to tune in. We talked about what it's like to be a woman in our culture, and how that relates to our faith. It was great.

But then the discussion group ended and I CANNOT STOP WATCHING. And weirdly, I can't stop drawing parallels between this and The Hunger Games. The women may not be getting killed off in a brutal fight to the death, but otherwise it feels pretty much the same. Except I was excited to share my love of The Hunger Games with others, but I feel the need to start every conversation I have about The Bachelor with a disclaimer: "Well, I was part of this Bible study..." Because Bible study makes this less lame, right?

Sartorial: There are three things that make this outfit Bachelor-inappropriate: 1) All of my limbs are covered, 2) These pants are comfortable, and most of the ladies' clothes on the show look like medieval torture devices, and 3) Spanx cannot do anything about my belly. And I'm pretty sure this wouldn't work for The Hunger Games either. Nothing about this outfit says "protection from the elements," "camouflage from enemies," or "flammable dress to impress adoring public."

Trip to the Vet

Academia: I've told y'all before that Cary and I have two cats, George and Atticus. We love them dearly. George is 13 and spends most of his time looking dignified; Atticus is three and spends most of his time finding ways to slowly drive us insane.

While George has been completely indifferent to my pregnancy (as he is to most things), Atticus sensed something was different before I ever took a pregnancy test. His behavior has been a little more off than normal for the past four months. He started sleeping next to me right away, which was sweet, but he also started peeing all over our house. Not so sweet. Having our couch smell like a litter box is less than cute.

So Tuesday I took Atticus to the vet to see what his deal was. I was expecting a diagnosis like, "Your cat is a big jerk who is trying to shred your nerves one accident at a time." I mean, that's how this whole refusing-to-use-the-litter-box thing looked to me. The vet took it a bit less personally than me, fortunately, and said that my changing hormones, pheromones, and whatever other -mones are causing Atticus extreme stress. Peeing on our stuff is how he lets us know how stressed he is. The vet prescribed feline Prozac. And then I felt like a big jerk for getting mad.

So off I went to Target, where I had to fill out paperwork with Atticus's first and last name, date of birth, allergies, and medical history in order to fill his prescription. I felt a little silly ("Are you sure you need the cat's first and last name?" I kept asking), but they insisted it was necessary, and I don't want my house to smell like pee.

The vet said it can take up to four weeks for this to completely work, so we'll see. In the meantime, I'm congratulating myself on successfully tricking Atticus into taking his first dose of Prozac, and heavily investing in stain and odor removal products.

Sartorial: This is what I wore for all of that. My house may smell like Eau de Crazy Cat Lady, but at least my clothes are cute.

Rushed and Rainy

Academia: I stayed up past my bedtime to watch half the Oscars on Sunday night (seriously, at 10:00 I was beat; I didn't even make it to Best Supporting Actor. Lame.), so I woke up yesterday with just enough time to pull together an outfit and run out the door in the rain. It wasn't a bad Monday; it just got off to a bit of a rushed start.

Sartorial: On a rushed, rainy morning, I needed an outfit that didn't take much thought. I wore this to a baby shower for my sister on Saturday, so I already knew it worked. It's pretty much the same outfit I wore last Thursday, as you can see by scrolling down one post, but it kept me warm in the rain, it didn't squeeze my belly, and it looked marginally professional. I call that a winner.

Pregnant Looking-ness

Academia: This has been an exciting week in the world of being pregnant. You know, for me, not for all pregnant women. I feel like I'm finally starting to look pregnant to people other than myself and Cary (and I'm not sure how pregnant I've actually been looking to Cary up until now, since I spent a lot of time standing in front of the mirror and demanding of him, "I look pregnant, right? Right? RIGHT?" What else could he say but yes?). It's nice to finally be looking on the outside like I'm feeling on the inside.

Speaking of how I'm feeling on the inside, this week I started feeling the baby kicking! It was pretty amazing. I mean, I've known there was a tiny person in there, but it all seemed a bit theoretical before. Feeling that tiny person's arms and legs moving, controlled by a completely different brain than mine, makes everything much more real.

Sartorial: With all of this growing and flailing of teeny limbs, I'm feeling very pregnant, so one thing I'm completely sick of hearing is, "You don't look pregnant at all!" I've really been looking forward to looking pregnant, and being told I don't is always a letdown.

So to combat that letdown, I picked out clothes yesterday that do everything possible to emphasize my pregnant looking-ness. I got new maternity pants from Target, so no weird squishing of my belly - just stretchy goodness. I picked out a form-fitting t-shirt with horizontal stripes. I walked around with one hand on my lower back. And no one said I didn't look pregnant. So there.

Mental Fist Shaking

Academia: I think my university is the only public institution in the US that doesn't celebrate Presidents' Day. 364 days a year, I love, love, love working there, but on Presidents' Day, my alarm goes off, I look at my blissfully sleeping public schoolteacher husband, and I mentally shake my fist at the powers that be. And that's how yesterday went for me.

Sartorial: I'm also starting to mentally shake my fist at my wardrobe. I don't have enough maternity clothes to make a full wardrobe, but none of my pre-pregnancy pants or skirts fit comfortably anymore, so every day I just look at my closet and sigh. This in-between stage of pregnancy is killing my style mojo.

I felt better over the weekend when my friend Lilly, whose due date is one week before mine, said she was feeling exactly the same way about her clothes. She always looks really stylish to me, so that gave me hope that maybe I'm not looking as blah as I feel when I get dressed every day. I think a good solid hour of shopping for more clothes that actually fit would give my style mojo the boost it needs. I hoping that can happen this week; stay tuned for results.

I know I sound super whiny today, y'all. I promise I'm not fishing for compliments, and I hope to be back to my non-whiny self in my next post. Thanks for bearing with me.